Living The Dream
by Ziver69
Summary: There are lots of things that change the course of our lives; God, love, good choices, bad choices... the road is full of twists and turns, as Grissom is fated to learn. One minute he's living the dream and the next, it's over. Can you get back what was never really yours to begin with? And how much courage would that take. GSR
1. Chapter 1

This one's been playing around in my head for awhile now and I decided to let it loose on the rest of you, lol. I may play a little fast and loose with the timeline, character history and established storyline but please remember...Suspension of Disbelief, dear friends. With that said, I hope you all enjoy and I really won't mind if you leave a review, lol. The parts in italics may not make sense for awhile but if you don't figure it out in the first few chapters, please rest assured, it will make sense before too long.

 **~~LIVING THE DREAM~~**

 _"Mallory Nicole!"_

 _Rubbing the towel over his damp hair, he couldn't help the chuckle rumbling through his chest at her exasperated tone. He could only imagine what the three year old was up to. Given the time, she was either giving mommy a run for her money with getting dressed or breakfast...or possibly both. Mallory had taken to undressing herself during breakfast._

 _He deposited the damp towel into the hamper and finished his morning routine. He'd just opened the dresser drawer to grab a tee shirt when he heard, "Jaime, no sweetie, the spoon doesn't go on your head." Hurrying, he grabbed the shirt and pulled it on as he made his way down the hall toward their kitchen._

 _Upon entering the kitchen, he watched as she pulled the purple top down over their daughter's head and reached across the table to pull the spoon off their son's head. She'd no sooner taken her hands off Mallory than the little girl was tugging her top toward her head again._

 _Laughing, he gently pushed her hands down and straightened the shirt again. Mallory giggled and reached down, but he was quick to correct her. Firmly, but gently, he told her no. "Mommy picked out a beautiful shirt for you, ladybug."_

 _"Apparently, our daughter does not agree with her mother's fashion sense today either."_

 _He leaned in and kissed her head, "Well, I totally agree with mommy's fashion sense. After all, I let you dress me all the time and the boys never pick on me." He grinned._

 _She cuddled into his side and let him take a little of her weight. "Did you get enough sleep?"_

 _"Define_ enough _?" he joked, though she frowned at him. "Honey, I'm fine. Really."_

 _"You have court today. You need to be rested." She argued softly. "This was your second double this week."_

 _"I'll take a nap if I need to, but, Sara...really, I'm fine." He winked at her, waiting for her frown to soften at the edges so he knew that while she still may not like it, she was okay with the answer she'd received._

 _"Well," Sara smirked, hugging him close and fiddling with the neck of his cotten tee, "you can always nap with the kids if you need to."_

 _"You," he smiled, kissing her lips, "are brilliant, Mrs. Grissom."_

 _"Mmm." she hummed against his warm lips._

 _A clattering snapped them apart and they both laughed at Jaime's slobbery grin, his spoon laying in a small puddle of milk halfway across the table._

 _"How old does he have to be before he can start baseball?" Grissom asked._

 _Sara laughed. "I think they prefer them out of diapers and walking a bit more steadily, babe."_

 _"Can I help it if the fruit of my loins is a natural pitcher." He boasted with obvious pride._

 _Sara snorted. "Before you start beating your chest, would you get your_ fruit's _face wiped off and change him out of his pj's?"_

 _"Yes, ma'am." He laid a sound kiss on his wife, grinning madly as he watched her dazed blinking after, trying to compose herself. "Come on, my boy." Grissom unbuckled Jaime and hoisted him out of his high chair. "Let's get you squared away for the day."_

 _He walked back down the hall toward their son's nursery as the little boy played one of his favorite games of_ comb daddy's beard with your fingers _. Grissom only wished those fingers weren't still partially covered with cereal._

 **~~LTD~~**

"Well, when will you know better what's going on?!"

"Miss Willows, I understand your worry and your frustration...all of you," Dr. Braiden looked at each face staring back at him, "but right now, I've shared with you all I know. We need to get him into surgery to stop the bleeding and relieve the pressure. His arm and collarbone will be set while we're in there, barring any complications and-"

"What kinds of complications?!"

Warrick stepped closer and pulled Catherine against his side, rubbing his hand up and down her arm. "Let the doc get in there and help him. We can worry about that stuff if we come to it, okay?"

Scared, worried eyes looked back at him, but she silently nodded.

Taking that as his escape, Dr. Braiden smiled grimly. "I'll send word out as soon as I have anything to report." Feeling for the worried group, he squeezed Catherine's hand, "Honestly, considering what happened, he's very lucky. It could be so much worse. Try to hang in there and I'll do everything I can to get him through this as best as possible."

He got a few nods and then he was gone, disappearing through the double doors several feet from the surgical waiting room.

Jim Brass blinked for what felt like the first time in the last...he didn't even know how long ago it had been because he had no idea what time it was at the moment. Time had seemed to slow to an unnatural speed the moment he'd looked up and seen his friend at that railing.

An almost inaudible whimper drew his attention to the pale young woman at his side. Instinctively, Jim reached out. "Hey, kiddo, how ya doin'?"

"I..." Sara couldn't seem to make her voice work right. It felt mangled and caught in her throat. "I keep seeing him...falling and then..." She closed her eyes and turned her head at the memory, as if for a moment she thought she could hide from it. But the vision was burned into her mind. And the vision was bad enough, but the sound..."it was so loud." She whispered. Tears filled her eyes as she looked back to Jim, pleading silently for him to tell her it was all a horrible dream. "It got so quiet...and then when he-" She choked on the words as it replayed in her mind. Just as the image of Grissom landed on that glass tabletop, shattering it while they all helplessly watched in horror, she felt Jim pull her against his chest, his arms circling her protectively.

"He's gotta be okay, Jim." She sobbed quietly. "He just has to be."

Greg rushed into the room and all eyes darted to him, thinking he was the doc coming back. To say they were tense would have been an undertstatement of epic proportions.

"How is he?"

"They're taking him into surgery now." Warrick was the first to speak.

"Okay. But how is he?"

"We don't know any more than what we last told you, Greg." Catherine added. "Broken arm and collarbone. The bleeding on..." She couldn't say the rest. It was too uncertain and the words trying to form and leave her lips made her sick to her stomach.

Seeing the struggle written all over her face, Warrick finished for her. "They have to stop the bleeding and relieve the pressure on the brain stem so it doesn't do any permanent damage. Once they do that, they'll have a much better idea if there'll be other problems."

Without warning, Nick surged to his feet and pushed passed Greg, bumping into him on the way out of the door. Uncharacteristically of the polite Texan, he didn't even glance back at the younger man, let alone offer up a word of apology.

Greg searched the faces of his friends for some sort of explanation for Nick's odd behavior. He knew they were all upset and really worried about Grissom, but Nick seemed to be that and then some. Nick appeared to be angry.

"Someone should probably..." Catherine began.

"I'll go." Warrick gave Greg a pat on the back as he made his way toward the door. "Don't take it personally man. I don't think it has anything to do with any of us." Greg nodded and Warrick looked at Catherine. "Call me if you get any news before we get back."

 **~~LTD~~**

 _Sara looked up from her place on the couch and gave him a smile. No matter how many times he did this, it never got old. He loved coming home to her. He let the keys fall from his fingers into the dish on the stand, his attache finding its place on the floor in its usual spot and he crossed the small distance to his beautiful wife, bending at the waist, both hands braced against the couch as he lowered his head to meet her forward movement, catching her lips with his and sinking into the long, deep kiss he'd been waiting for since he kissed her goodbye this morning._

 _When they parted, her eyes had that hazy, unfocused look that twisted his stomach in the best way and he knew his weren't much different. In what felt like a lifetime ago, he'd once thought loving Sara was too great a risk. For a smart man, he'd never had a more stupid thought. Loving Sara...being loved by Sara, was a wonderous gift from God and his only regret was that it had taken him so long to let what God had intended for him to happen. He couldn't imagine his life without her and the kids for a single second._

 _He took off his jacket, and as he lowered himself to the couch beside her, he undid the first button of his shirt and loosened his tie with one hand while the other curled under her knees to lift her legs onto his lap._

 _"How was court?" She asked, fingers sifting through the hair at his nape. She applied a little pressure to the muscles in his neck. When he groaned, closing his eyes, and pressed back into her hand, Sara grinned softly and pressd harder; kneading the knots until she felt them loosen._

 _"What's my name?" he asked, eyes still closed._

 _She chuckled, leaning forward and kissing his ear, she whispered, "That wasn't the question, Dr. Grissom." His response was another deep groan. With a coy smile, she was just about to accost his ear once more when she felt herself suddenly being lifted. She yelped in surprise and instinctively latched onto his shoulders as she landed fully in his lap. "Gil!"_

 _"Shhh!" He whispered, planting kisses on her neck. "You'll summon the carpet renegades and I'm not done with their leader."_

 _It wasn't two seconds later that there came the 'pitter patter' of pounding feet and squeals of "Daddy!" and one coveted romantic moment was tabled once more until children were nestled soundly in their beds later that night. "To be continued" had become somewhat of a staple saying in the Grissom abode, but they wouldn't trade it for all the gold under the sun._

 **~~LTD~~**

Warrick had looked in the cafeteria, thinking maybe his friend had gone for coffee. No Nick. He'd checked outside next, thinking Nick might need some fresh air. Still, no Nick. He'd rounded toward the elevators outside the Emergency Room, figuring he'd head back up and see if he'd missed Nick outside surgical somehow or maybe he'd returned to the waiting room, when his eyes caught the directory. The white letters announcing 'Chapel' and the corresponding arrow gave him one more option before he rode back up to the fourth floor.

A few minutes later, Warrick pushed open the door to the hospital chapel and quickly scanned the pews. It didn't take long to find his friend. Nick was sitting at the end of the pew, three rows from the back, and looking like he'd just kicked a pile of puppies.

The bench creaked a little under Warrick's weight as he quietly took a seat by Nick. He sighed a little and he would swear it sounded ten times as loud in this place of worship as it would in any other room anywhere. His grandmother used to grin at him, with that twinkle in her green eyes she used to always get when she teased him, and she would tell him that God quiets the room of your mind and sends the angels to block out the sound around you so nothing distracts you from your talk with The Lord. Warrick had always really liked that explanation, even if he did first get it when he was eight years old.

He waited a beat, hoping Nick would start, but when he stayed quiet, Warrick took the first step, trying first to lighten the mood. "Hey, man, you know you gotta be careful with Greggo. You break'em, you bought'em."

To his dismay, Nick hung his head lower.

"Come on, Nick. I was joking, man. What's goin' on with you? I know you're worried about, Gris, we all are but you-"

"It's my fault, Ric." Nick blurted, eyes welling with tears of remorse and frustration. "Man," he choked out, "this is all my fault! What if there's brain damage?! What if they can't stop the bleeding?! What if he ends up paralyzed or worse, what if he-"

Warrick cut him off sharp. He knew exactly what Nick was about to 'what if' next and that was not something they were going to entertain for a second! "No! Stop with the 'what ifs', Nick." He softened his tone, realizing how harsh it sounded, especially in the quietness of this place. "Man, you can't think like that. He's gonna be okay. We gotta have faith, man." Warrick clapped a hand around the back of Nick's neck and gave a firm, reassuring squeeze. He waited while Nick took a few calming, if shakey breaths before he finally nodded his head. "Now what's this noise about this being your fault? You didn't shove him over that railing."

"I should've been up there with him, Ric." Tears appeared in his eyes again. "I hit the snooze button, man...three times. If I hadn't done that...if I had gotten up when I set my alarm, I would have been early to shift. I would have had time to stock extra in my kit and I wouldn't have had to go out to the truck for bindles. I left him alone up there! For what?! An extra fifteen minutes of sleep?! Grissom's in surgery right now to stop bleeding on his _brain stem_ , because I wasn't where I should have been! That guy wouldn't have stood a chance against the both of us!, Heck, man, he proabably wouldn't have even tried if he'd seen two of us! I should have been upstairs with Grissom!"

"You clear that floor?"

"What?" Nick gave Warrick a puzzled look. "That's not our job, man. You know that."

"Oh. So, it wasn't you that missed the perp hiding on the premises. You didn't leave Grissom alone on purpose with a violent perp?"

"Not on purpose, no!" Nick defended.

"So, Grissom just wasn't paying attention." Warrick baited.

"There was no reason for Grissom to think there was anything other than the evidence to pay attention to, Warrick!"

"Then why you blamin' yourself for doing anything but what Grissom was doin' too?! Come on, Nick! You had no reason to think that there was any danger to any of us on scene. How many times have we all had to go to the truck for more supplies? Man, Grissom's done the same thing himself and he'd be the first one to say that too. Grandy and Holsted dropped the ball. They were first on the scene and they were the ones that gave the all clear, but ultimately, the perp is the only one responsible for Grissom being in surgery right now. You gotta stop blaming yourself, Nick. We need to stick together and stay strong, man...for each other and most of all for Grissom."

Warrick watched as Nick let his words sink in. He could see it as the tension slowly ebbed from his friends shoulders, but most of all he could see it in Nick's eyes. Finally, Nick nodded and made to stand up. Warrick caught him by the arm. "While we're here..."

Nick nodded and sat back down. Both men bowed their heads and prayed for their friend, mentor, and surrogate father.

To Be Continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**Living The Dream**

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, followed and favorited. I apologize if the back and forth is confusing at all to read. Bear with me and it will make sense, I promise. Research was done with various sources but te main site was because I am NOT a brain surgeon. So therefore, some things may not be entirely accurate.

 **~~LTD~~**

An hour and a half into the surgery and they still hadn't received any updates besides the two "as soon as we get an update, you'll get an update" from the floor nurse. Warrick had to practically sit on Catherine, who was just about to charge into the OR to find out what was happening. Nick had indeed apologized to Greg. Jim was alternating between sitting and pretending to read through all the Readers Digest's in the waiting room and watching out the window, and Sara grew more quiet with every passing minute. She just wished she could make her mind so quiet.

They were friends. They were really good friends. Lately, they'd found their way back to each other...and all it had taken was a knockdown screaming fight several months ago that had resulted in her telling him he didn't need to feel pressured anymore about her wanting more from him because she was done, three weeks of virtual silence toward each other and then finally he had appeared at her apartment door one afternoon with take out and a sincere apology. Since then they'd worked on repairing their friendship and letting everything else go. Sara had told herself that they just weren't meant to be anything more than friends. And whatever he had told himself seemed to be working because they were getting along fabulously. There ahd been a little awkwardness when she had started seeing Landon a month and a half ago but they had seemed to just move passed it. And she ignored the feelings of guilt when she dressed up for a date, fought back those feelings that she was cheating whenever she and Landon held hands or kissed. That was normal, after all, she had thought she was in love with her friend for years...had been in love with her friend? Was it love if you could give it up without? What did she really know about love anyway?! She'd loved one man her ebtire adult life and he didn't feel the same way, or at least not enough to give them a chance, so maybe she didn't know what love was at all. Then why did she feel like her heart would stop beating if he didn't make it out of that operating room? No! No! No! She scolded herslf silently. Now is not the time to start this again. Grissom is your friend and he will make it through this and he's going to need you so you cannot complicate things by trying this again.

"Want another cup?"

Sara nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Sorry, kiddo." Jim smiled, his eyes looked like he hadn't slept in days. "You must have been a million miles away."

"Yeah. I guess so." She didn't elaborate and was thankful when Jim didn't press. She handed him a dollar and he waved it off.

"I'll get this round and you can get the next."

"Deal." She agreed. "Mind if I walk along? I think I could use a change in scenary."

He tipped his head toward the door and she joined him.

"We're going for more coffee. Any takers?" Jim asked. Warrick and Greg were also told to keep their money and soon he and Sara were making their way to the vending machines on the floor below.

"You know you can always talk to me, right?" he asked softly, sorting through the change in his hand before he went to the dollars in his wallet.

"I know." Was her reply.

"Things have seemed pretty good between you two lately...even after you started seeing Walker."

"Jim."

"What?" He heard the tone. "I'm just saying that I would have expected the opposite when you started dating another guy. It's good you two can deal with this kind of thing so amicably."

"Amicably?" She snorted. "You make it sound like we're dealing maturely with a divorce, Jim."

"You know what I mean." He replied seriously. "Things were really tense with you guys there for awhile and we both know why."

"Jim, please," The tears welled in her eyes and her chest felt like it was being squeezed in a vice. "Can we not do this right now? I don't think I can-" Her cell began to ring and she pulled it from her pocket. She couldn't help the grimace and accompanying groan that escaped upon seeing the name in the call window. Just about the last person she needed to talk to right now and it wasn't fair to him she felt that way...not to mention that those feelings of guilt came rushing back tenfold. She took a few steps away, took a deep breath and flipped open her phone. "Landon, hi."

Jim watched, or more to the point, listened as Sara tried to sound casual. He knew better but wondered how long it would take before they got things right.

"How's Grissom doing?"

"We don't know much yet. Broken arm and collarbone. Bleeding...bleeding on the brain stem. He's in surgery right now but he never regained consciousness. They couldn't really tell us any more until the stop the bleeding to relieve the pressure."

"I'm sorry I couldn't call sooner."

"I understand. It's okay."

"Grandy and Holsted send their-"

"Please don't relay any sympathies! If those two had done their jobs properly, he wouldn't be here right now!" She spat.

"Sara." Landon sighed, understanding her frustration and worry for her boss, but she needed to understand that cops weren't perfect either. "Accidents happen."

"Accidents happen?!" She couldn't believe he'd just said that. "He didn't trip and fall over a banister, Landon! He was attacked...by a perp that Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum failed to find on the premises that they cleared!"

"We're not perfect, Sara. We miss things sometimes just like you guys do. It's not like they did this on purpose!"

"You know what, Officer Walker, I don't think this is the best time for us to talk. I'll call you later."

"Sara, wait-"

"No, Landon. I realize everyone makes mistakes but that house has an attic and if they had taken more time searching up there, they would have seen that there clearly was another entrance in the floor leading to that hidden door in the closet. They saw one obvious entrance and didn't bother to look any further like they were trained to do and that may cost my friend his mobility. If a CSI missed something that let one of your cop friends on the hook, all of you would band together against the 'nerd squad' like you always do too. I'll get over it, Landon because I know they didn't mean for anyone to get hurt, but right now it's too soon for me to be there and quite frankly I'm not ready to let it go just yet! So, I will talk to you later, Landon, when I'm not so worried about my friend and when I'm not so ready to tell you if you're so keen to defend them blindly then date them and not me!" Without another word she hung up and turned abruptly to find Jim leaned against the wall, waiting for her. She'd forgotten he was even there. "You gonna defend him now?!"

"Nope." He told her easily. "But maybe when you calm down a little you could hand the guy his head back."

"If he had a head, he should have used it and not brought those two knuckleheads up this soon!"

"Alright, alright. Before I lose mine, let's get back up there and find out if they've gotten any updates."

 **~~LTD~~**

They weren't back twenty minutes before a nurse came in to tell them that they surgery had been successful and that the docter should be out soon to give them more details.

Minutes later, he appeared. "We've set the arm and collarbone. Thankfully the collarbone was an aligned break and that will heal more easily for him. It's also helpful that he broke the arm on the same side. The arm is cast from here" he indictaed to the very tops of his fingers just below the knuckles, "to here.", indicating halfway between his elbow and shoulder. "He'll be in a sling, of course, and that will help stabilize his arm and help him to keep from moving too much so the clavicle break can heal. He's looking at at least twelve weeks for the clavicle if he behaves himself, and eight weeks in the full cast, followed by 6 weeks in a half cast provided that heals as it should." He could tell by the anxious looks in their eyes, that while they may be glad to know about the breaks, it wasn't what they needed to know. We've got the bleeding stopped and that of course has done a great deal to relieve the pressure that was building, unfortunately that's only the first step." He took a seat and ran his hand over his face. "When Gil, fell and cracked his head off that table the impact resulted in an epidural hematoma. The skull was fractured and he had a tear in the meningeal artery. Luckily for him, it was more of a nick than a tear and terefore bled a little more slowly than is typical. Typically, the tear is more complete, tere's far more blood and far more pressure and that is very dangerous. In this case there was still a lot of blood and a lot of pressure on the stem but we had more time to do something about it."

"So, is he going to be okay?" Nick asked the question on everyone's mind.

"That, we won't know until he wakes up and that is the tricky part. There's still swelling so we have a valve in place to monitor and help us relieve the pressure as needed. With any luck, we'll be able to remove that in a day or so. It's very common for patients with this kind of brain injury to slip into a coma, which Gil has." The looks on their faces wasn't unexpected and he was quick to reassure them. "It's actually a good thing initially and if he hadn't done it on his own, we would have induced ourselves. He needs absolute rest right now and the less he moves around for the next few days, the better. This gives his brain time to heal and believe me when I tell you, he will be much more comfortable like this for the time being. Headache doesn't begin to cover it. Now, everything else depends on the swelling and how quickly we can get it all the way down. We'll send him for an MRI periodically to monitor for any changes or concerns in tissue, but really we have to wait on that swelling and for him to wake up before we know the full extent of any damage; permanent or temporary."

"What...what are some possibilities based on the extent of his injury?" Sara asked, barely managing to make her voice work. How was this happening.

"A range of things really and again, it all depends on how Gil's brain and body respond. The effects could be mild and very brief, they could be severe and take months to recover if at all. He could have short or long term memory loss, it can impact his motor skills, hearing, vision, thought process...almost anything or he could wake up with a headache and some blurry vision and be a little foggy for a few days and be good as new. I'm really very sorry I can't be more concrete." He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees. "Listen, I realize this has been very difficult and I'm certainly not giving you the news I'm sure you were hoping for but don't give up hope. God was obviously with him because I have unfortunately seen people bleed to death from the same kind of fall. May I suggest you all try to get some sleep. Gil will be in CCU and monitored around the clock until he wakes up. You're more than welcome to visit during visiting hours although the time will be limited to fifteen minutes per person every hour. I promise I will call if there is any change." He stood and smiled tiredly at them. "I'm going to go check on him and then I need to do some rounds. Call anytime to check on him in the meantime, okay."

"Thanks, doc." Brass shook his hand. "For everything."

Once the docter was gone, Jim looked at everyone. "Okay, you heard the man. Let's go home and try to get some rest."

As he expected, that suggestion went over like a lead balloon. Suddenly everyone was arguing about staying right where they were until he woke up and they could wait in the waiting room, and on and on until he whistled. "No, you cannot all camp out here. You heard the man. Gil needs his rest," He held up his hand when the women started to protest, "and there is nothing that us camping out here is going to do except make everyone exhausted, drive the hospital staff out of their minds and probably get us all banned. If he wakes up and everything isn't hunky dory from jump, he is going to need us rested and healthy to help him through this." Jim could see that he was getting through, more so with the guys than the gals, but something was better than nothing. "Besides, someone has to head this motley crew until The Bugman is back on his feet so, Cath, you better get some rest because more than likely you'll be playing the role of boss and mother hen." He looked them all over. "Come on, people, you know I'm right."

"I'm exhausted, guys." Greg relented. "I know you all must be too. Jim's right. We can't see him tonight and we need to get some sleep if we're going to be ready to deal with whatever might be ahead of us."

One by one, they gave in and headed home. Nobody's heart or thoughts left Grissom though.

~~LTD~~

Sara tossed again, turning on her side and staring at her bathroom door. She hadn't expected to be able to sleep but she thought she'd give it the old college try like a good girl. Her conversation with Landon kept coming into her mind. There was no reason for her to get that angry at him. No, she didn't appreciate his immediate defense of his comrades, but that was only because she did feel that they had failed to do their jobs properly. She also had to admit that part of her anger was because she had wanted him to defend her right to be angry first, to put her feelings above the innocence or guilt of his 'brothers'. And part of her knew that her anger had burned hotter simply because it had been Grissom that had been the one hurt. Of course, if it had been one of the other team she would have been really upset, but it had been Grissom and that was on a different level. And _that_ bothered her. And the fact that she'd been kind of upset with Landon just for calling bothered her because shouldn't she have been happy that the man she was dating would have had enough concern for her to call and see how she was? Instead, her first emotion had been one of irritation because she felt like he was intruding...but on what? And _that_ bothered her because she knew...deep down...that it bothered her because what she felt for Grissom could never be _just_ friendship. But it had to be! That was what she'd decided. It was what was working for them; finally stopping the incessant arguing that had developed as a result of their rollercoaster-whatever it had been; that push and pull of attraction and feelings that she insisted was love and he refused to give credence to. It was unhealthy and unproductive and had darn well nearly ruined the best friendship she'd ever known. Even if a part of her always loved him, she had to bury it deep and ignore it unless she wanted to learn to live without him.

Sighing again, she rubbed her temples at the mild pain beginning to gather in her head. She was only surprised it had taken this long for the headache to develop. She needed to call him and apologize. Decent men were hard to find and she been over the top with him. Resigned, she picked up the phone and dialed. "CCU please." She'd call him just as soon as she checked on Grissom, and she shoved that feeling of guilt back into its cage again.

 **~~LTD~~**

 _He held the little hands in his bigger ones, really his hands engulfed those of his son's, and when the run rounded third and looked as if home were his, he raised their hands and shook them in victory, silently cheering. Jaime kicked his legs out, bare feet flailing in glee at his daddy's antics, and throwing his balance off so that he flopped back against his daddy's broad chest. He tipped his little head back to look up at his dad, and with a nearly toothless and slightly slobbery grin he let out a torrent of happy shrieks. Grissom was quick to shush him but he couldn't wipe the grin from his face. How could anyone look into that happy, beautiful little face and not smile. When he looked over to check on his sleeping wife on the other couch, she was no longer sleeping but smiling softly at the two of them._

 _"Sorry." he told her._

 _"S'okay." She yawned, sitting up and shuffling over to the couch they were on. Sara snuggled into his side and rubbed Jaime's tummy. "How long did I sleep?" She asked._

 _" About an hour."_

 _"How'r they doin'?" She asked of the game._

 _"Up by 4 in the bottom of the fifth." He kissed her head._

 _"Well now you can cheer out loud."_

 _"Mal's still napping." He told her._

 _"She should get up soon anyway or we'll never get her to sleep tonight." Sara opened her eyes and took in what was happening on the field. The count was loaded and she looked over at her son, who was looking back at her. She curled her fingers and began to tickle him, chanting, "Cubbies! Cubbies!" as he started to giggle and squirm._

 _Grissom smiled broadly, joining Sara's chant and tickling. They kicked up quite the fuss and did wake Mallory, who trudged out with sleepy eyes and wild hair. But as soon as she saw her family's antics on the couch, she ran and leaped into her mother's lap, yelling, "Cubbies! Cubbies!"_

TBC...


	3. Chapter 3

Living The Dream

And onward... Credit to Crosby, Stills & Nash's Love The One Your With lyrics used later in this chapter. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, followed and favorited.

~~LTD~~

She hadn't gotten much sleep, maybe two hours, and her head still hurt as she sat, waiting for Ecklie to get off the phone.

Finally, "Sorry about that. Now, where were we?" He perused his notes and then sat back to wait on Sara.

"I was at the far end of the living room, dusting for prints when I heard a crash from upstairs. I looked up and at the same time it seemed like Gil...Supervisor Grissom," She corrected, seeing the frown on Ecklie's face at her use of the familiar, yelled out that we had a hot scene. I think he was trying to yell suspect on scene when they came crashing through the victim's bedroom door."

"And do you remember seeing what the officers on scene did at that time?"

"Grandy started for the stairs as did Captain Brass. Holsted was in the backyard with Greg."

"And what happened then, Sidle?"

"They, ah...Supervisor Grissom and the suspect, Daniel Yates, struggled at the railing at the second floor. It appeared as though Supervisor Grissom was able to push Yates off of him, but then Yates looked to his right and appeared to see that Captain Brass and Officer Grandy had reached the second floor and then he..." Sara took a deep breath. "He lunged forward, grabbed Supervisor Grissom and before anyone could get to them he had thrown Supervisor Grissom through the railing. Supervisor Grissom fell onto the glass and metal tabletop below. I wasn't watching the Yates anymore, I'm just aware that he was apprehended by Brass and Grandy before he could flee. CSI Willows radioed for a bus and CSI Stokes, Brown and I assessed Supervisor Grissom and tried to stabilize him until medical care arrived."

"Thank you, Sidle."

"Do you need anything else?" The statement had taken it out of her. Having to replay that in her mind just seemed to suck all her strength from her and she had to keep repeating, "He's alive. He's alive." in her mind to keep the fear at bay.

"No." Ecklie closed the folder and stacked it on top of several others on his desk. In a rare show of concern, he looked her in the eyes and asked, "Have you heard any news in the last few hours?"

"I called just before I came in and they said he's still stable and his vital signs have steadily improved. There have been no signs of the bleeding starting back up and he was due to go for an MRI," she looked at her watch, "half an hour ago."

"He still hasn't woken up?"

"No, but they say right now that's for the best. If he happens to wake up in the next two days, they'll put him back under anyway."

"Well, then considering, I'd say that's good news."

"I guess it is." She couldn't ignore the terrible empty feeling in her stomach at the whole situation and not knowing what was going to happen when he did wake up. His whole world could be changed and they had to wait to even find out.

A minute later and she was making her way toward the exit when a voice called to her and she cringed. It was Grandy. Against her better judgement, she waited while he jogged up to her.

"Sara...how is Grissom?"

In his defense, the poor guy looked like he'd been through the ringer. There were dark circles under his eyes and he looked as if he'd rather be standing in front of a firing squad then before her, asking this.

"He's in a coma right now. The docter says its best for him to rest with this type of injury so we just have to wait to see what happens when he wakes up." She tried to keep her tone as pleasant as possible. She knew these guys and she knew in her heart that neither of them were trying to be careless. They were good men and they'd made a mistake in being complacant. It happened to the best of cops and CSI's from time to time. It shouldn't but it did.

"I...ah, we...Sara, we never meant for this to happen." Grandy told her, his eyes starting to glisten and the tremor in his voice was unmistakable. "Tommy and I feel horrible. We should have checked the floor better and I should have been upstairs instead of with Brass. I'm really sorry I let Grissom get hurt." A tear slipped out and dropped from his cheek as he looked away from her.

She couldn't stay mad when a grown man was crying in front of her. "Eric, I know you didn't mean for it to happen. You've always had my back and I've never had a bad experience with Halsted either. I guess this is just one of those tough lessons we learn to keep us from taking things for granted."

He nodded, though it didn't seem convincing.

"How long before IA is done with you?"

"We both interviewed last night so, it's just a waiting game until they get back to us."

"Well, for what it's worth, I hope you guys get back soon." Sara tipped her head so Grandy would look at her again, catching his eye, he did just that. "You're both good cops. Just pay better attention to attic floors from now on, okay?" She gave him the best smile she could, but her stomach rolled when a flash of Grissom hitting that table rolled through her memory.

"I can promise you we both will, twice. Thanks for not holding it against us, Sara. I know it's probably not easy."

She nodded.

"Keep us in the loop abaout Grissom. Tommy and I both want to apologize to him once he's awake and on the mend."

"I'll let you know."

"Thanks." He told her. "I better get home. I promised Michelle we'd take the kids shoe shopping this morning."

"Okay." She watched him leave and then started in that direction again herself. She'd barely taken two steps when she heard her name being called again.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"I was glad you called last night. I really didn't like where we left things earlier." Landon reached out and slipped a finger around her pinkie.

"I was pretty tense and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry."

"Hey, you already said that and I already told you that I understand. It's behind us, okay?"

"Okay."

"Can I take you to breakfast?"

She frowned. "I was just going to head over to the hospital to see Grissom."

"Have you eaten anything since yesterday, Sara?" He asked, already pretty sure he knew the answer.

"I haven't really had a lot of time or much of an appetite."

"Okay. But its going to be a long couple of days and you're going to need your strength so work with me here." He gave her a charming smile. "We can drive seperately and we can pick someplace close to the hospital. Have breakfast with me and then you can go right there after. You have to eat, Sara or you'll make yourself sick and then you're no good to your team or Grissom, right?"

He had a point, though she did not like admitting it. But she had told herself last night that she needed to try her best to make this work. Landon was a good guy and he deserved her best effort. "Okay but nothing fancy. A quick diner."

"Deal."

~~LTD~~

 _He finished checking that the house was locked up, looked in on the kids and kissed each one softly before he walked into their room. The lights were all off but he could see her clearly. She'd opened the drapes wide and the glow of the full moon bathed the room and her in its light. She was laying on her side, one arm under her pillow, her hair spread out across it, and she was gazing out the window. His heart swelled with contentment. Not wasting another second, he shuffled out of his slippers and shed his t-shirt climbing in to snuggle close. His arm slid over her waist and he pulled her the short space between them until her back lay flush to his chest and he rested his chin in the space at her neck, tilting his head he planted kisses along the side of her face and the shell of her ear, smiling when he felt her smile._

 _"It's gorgeous, isn't it?"_

 _"Always." he whispered, his foot finding hers beneath the covers._

 _"The moon, Gilbert." She giggled as his lips sought her neck._

 _"That too then." he husked._

 _"Have you ever thought about us finding a bigger house? Maybe someplace a little further outside of town?"_

 _He paused momentarily, not expecting this to be a topic of conversation. "We're already in the suburbs." He went back to his tender administrations._

 _"I know, and its a nice enough neighborhood, but lately I've been thinking about something bigger, maybe with some acreage, like a little farmhouse. Somewhere the kids could run free, build a treehouse." Without warning she rolled onto her back and with his current positioning, it left him nearly hovering over her with a slightly bewildered look on his face. "We could get a dog. A big dog like you've always talked about and we wouldn't have to worry about fences. Maybe even somewhere with a barn and maybe we could get some goats and you could do your experiments up in the loft. I'd love a place with a big wraparound porch and a huge bay window in the kitchen by the sink-"_

 _"Honey" He laughed. "Where is this all coming from?"_

 _She shrugged shyly, which was endearing but puzzled him even more._

 _"I just thought it would be nice to have a house with a bit more room for growing. Somewhere a little more...I don't know, someplace all our own...to raise all of them." She finished softly, fiddling with his fingers at her hip._

 _"All of them." He laughed. "You make it sound like we have half a dozen instead of just two."_

 _He didn't take notice as she moved his hand from her hip to her abdomen until the next words out of her mouth really sank in._

 _"Plus one."_

 _It clicked and his eyes widened, looking from her pursed lips to her hand covering his over her abdomen, and then his head shot up and his eyes locked with hers, now alive with excitement. "Plus one?!" he croaked. "You're...we're..."_

 _She shook her head and beamed at him. "Pregnant."_

~~LTD~~

Sara walked into the family waiting room and Warrick looked up from the book he was reading. "Hey girl." He stood and hugged her.

"They told me you were back here."

"Yeah. I was in to sit with him until they kicked me out. Figured I'd hang around and go back in if nobody made it for the next visiting round."

"Has anyone else been here?"

Warrick grinned and Sara laughed.

"Catherine." she said. It was a statement more than a question. And he nodded confirmation. "Honestly I'm surprised she ever left at all."

"I'd have put my money on you a few months ago, Cookie." Warrick told her, a knowing look in his beautiful eyes.

"Has everyone missed the fact that Grissom is my boss and we're just good friends. And I am dating someone."

"Naw, naw. We got that. But we're not blind either." He slung an arm over her shoulder. "All's I'm saying is what you got doesn't just go away overnight and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here."

"I appreciate that, Ric, but there's nothing to talk about. Grissom and I are just friends."

"Well then, okay. If ya can't be with the one that you love, honey, love the one you're with is just lyrics then. Gotcha." Before she could argue, he kissed her head and grabbed his coat. "I'm gonna take off since you're here now. You make sure you tell him I said I'll be back later."

He turned and winked at her just before he walked out the door. "And remember, I'm here if you need to talk." And then he was gone.

Sara huffed and sat down heavily on the seat he'd vacated moments before. "Why did everyone want to talk about the relationship she and Grissom never had _now_?!

She forced herself to flip mindlessly through waiting room maazines until it was time she could go back to sit with him. She checked in with the nurse, as she'd been instructed to do, and the thirty something, blonde walked to his room with her.

"I don't know if anyone's warned you at all but he looks a little rough right now, with his arm trussed up and his head wrapped. He's still on the ventilator until he wakes up but we have it turned way down at this point because he's doing real well breathing on his own so it's really just a precaution. And, of course, there's the heart monitor and some wires under the wrap to monitor brain activity. Everything is very standard with his injury and he's doing very well considering all he's been through in the last twenty-four hours. The docter should be in to do rounds while you're here so you'll get a chance to ask him questions if you have any." She explained.

"Really just one right now, but maybe you can tell me."

They had stopped outside his room. "What's that, hon?"

"What were the results of his MRI?"

She smiled. "It looked good for the trauma he had. There were no further signs of bleeding. The swelling has gone down but there is still swelling that needs to go down. There's no indications that anything effcted by the fall or the bleeding and swelling won't recover. To be honest, the scan couldn't have looked better unless the good Lord had decided to just wipe it clean right then and there. I think he's on the mend, sweetie. We just gotta have faith in the good Lord."

Sara nodded politely, uncomfortable with the religious talk but she begrudged no one their faith.

"Okay, well, lets get you in there. Now remember," she chattered on as they came into the room, "just talk to him like you would any other time. Coma patients can hear what we're saying and it helps to hear a familiar voice."

Sara had stopped, not really prepared to see Grissom like this, but the bubbly nurse just began checking his vitals and went on, "Isn't that right, handsome? You can hear us, can't you. My goodness, with such a handsome face I'm looking forward to seeing those eyes and hearing what that voice sounds like. I bet you've got pretty...hmm, now what color eyes do you have Mr. Grissom?"

"Just call him Grissom. It's Dr anyway but he doesn't like to be called Dr. Grissom." Sara said quietly, taking a seat by his bed and trying to keep the tears at bay. "Blue."

"What's that, honey?" Kara stopped what she was doing when she saw how pale Sara had gotten. She hurried over and laid a hand on her shoulder. "It looks worse than it is." she whispered. "Just try to take a deep breath."

Sara did and then she took another.

"Did you say blue?" Kara asked when she saw some color come back into Sara's cheeks.

"Um, yeah. His eyes are blue." She looked at his face, so serene in his sleep. His eyes were closed, of course, but she could see the color of them as clearly as if he were staring right at her. "The most beautiful blue you've ever seen."

Kara checked one last machine, pretty sure that Sara hadn't meant that last for her at all. She quietly slipped out of the room to leave the two of them alone.

Her eyes drifted over him, pale against the stark white of the hospital blankets. The white bandage wrapped around his head, covering from his eyebrows at the front and up into his hairline, his curls peaking out. It would have been cute if it wasn't for the fact that she couldn't forget why the bandage was there at all. The bandage covered down into his neck. He'd more or less had brain surgery. Brain surgery...to save his life. She reached out and took his hand, carefully avoiding the IV taped to the top. "Hey you. I know we keep telling each other that the other needs to get some of that time off the books but this isn't what I was talking about. And I'm off tonight. It was supposed to be our movie night, remember? I'm gonna have to call foul and insist on picking the movie when you make it up to me. You really gave us a scare, Gil." She fiddled with his fingers as she talked to him. "Don't worry about anything though. You're going to be fine. They're taking really good care of you and you just need to rest and when you wake up...it's all going to be fine." She wiped away the tears running down her face, looking at the monitors steadily beeping and his still body, the floodgates opened and all the stress and worry from the last twenty-four hours just poured out of her. She tipped her head up to the ceiling, "If you're really up there and listening, he doesn't deserve this. He's one of the good guys and I don't know if you've noticed but these days the bad guys seem to be gaining ground so we need all te good guys that we can get. Please," she sobbed, not really even sure why she was doing this, "take care of him and make everything okay. We need him to be okay and I know that might be selfish but it's the truth. I don't know what I believe and maybe that disqualifies me from asking for favors but I'll be selfish for him. So, if you're really up there God, then please make him be okay. Thanks...um, Amen?"

She looked around for a box of tissues, thinking surely there would be tissues in a hospital, but she wasn't seeing any. She got up and went to the little stand, opening the first drawer. There sat a box of tissues. She lifted it out and stopped as her eyes landed on the Bible laying underneath it. Her eyes drifted up and she smirked, "Touche' ".

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4

**Living The Dream**

I still own nothing except the characters I made up. Not sure how satisfied with this chapter that I am but here it is, for better or worse.

 **~~LTD~~**

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?"

"No, I'm sorry. This movie just isn't holding my attention."

"What is holding your attention? Grissom?"

Sara sat back and looked at Landon, puzzled and apprehensive at the minute trace of a 'tone' when he said Grissom's name. She shook it off and apologized "Sorry. I'm a bad date tonight, I guess."

"Sara, can I ask a question?"

He looked uncomfortable and she was more certain of that tones existence and apprehensive as to why it existed at all, now .

"Sure." She replied tentatively.

"Were you and Grissom ever, you know, an item?"

"What?! No, why would you ask that?" Her response was a little more reactive than was warranted, but it was a hot spot right now and considering it was being asked by the literal last person she wanted to discuss it with, she figured it was excusable. She tried to tone it down a little anyway.

He shrugged, not missing the vehemence with which she denied it. "I just remember a time when the rumor mill was pretty worked up about you two and-"

"Well the rumor mill is about as reliable as a group of twelve year old girls hopped up on ice cream and Mountain Dew at a slumber party!" She argued.

"Sara, calm down. I didn't mean to start an argument here."

"Well, I don't happen to appreciate it when people who need to mind their own business are talking about me!"

"And am I considered one of thos people who need to mind their own business?" He asked.

"No." She told him softening her tone. "I'm sorry, Landon."

"So, what people do I fall under?"

"I don't know what you mean?"

"We've been dating for six weeks now. I'm not dropping down on one knee here or anything, but I talked to my mom today and she asked me why I didn't have a girlfriend yet. I was about to tell her that I did and then I realized that we'd never actually had that conversation. So, I'm asking."

"Landon..." Sara groaned, holding her head. "Please, do we have to do this tonight?"

He stood up, frustrated. "I guess not."

"Landon, I'm sorry, I just have a lot on my mind right now and I really cannot deal with trying to figure out what we are." She replied growing equally as frustrated.

"I think that's my answer."

"Really?!" She jumped up and started to pace. "My...Grissom could have died last night and we still don't know what's going to happen and you want me to just drop everything to answer your question about what we are? We're dating, Landon! I enjoy spending time with you and I assume you enjoy spending time with me. Is there a class ring and a letterman jacket I'm slated to be wearing?! Two grown adults shouldn't have to slap a label on things."

His face had grown pretty blank over the course of her outburst. Calmly he asked, "Sara...what is Grissom to you?"

"He's..." How was she supposed to define what Grissom was to her? All the descriptions that immediately popped into her head were much too personal to share with someone who wouldn't understand. She cringed inwardly as that thought settled. Here she was being asked to define a relationship with a man she'd been dating for six weeks and she really couldn't or more to the point, didn't want to put permanent definition to, and a man she'd never dated even once, brought at least a half a dozen words to mind in an instant that were too intimate to share with the guy she was actually dating. This was too messed up for her exhausted brain right now.

She also, apparently, hadn't realized how long she'd hesitated.

"Wow." Landon sighed. "Really? Okay, Sara, truth time. Did you and Grissom have a thing?"

"I already told you, no."

"Because you didn't want it or because he's your boss or because there's no attraction there?"

She felt like she was going to throw up. "I...we...we're friends."

"Not what I asked." It was getting pretty clear that there was more to this story than what she was saying. "Listen, Sara. We don't have to put a label on things and we don't have to get serious. I just want to know where I stand. We never said we were going to be exclusive and I'm not asking that now, but I thought maybe we might eventually move in that direction...okay, I was kind of hoping we would move in that direction. I really like you but if there's something between you and Grissom or you want there to be, then you need to figure that out."

"Are you breaking up with me?" She squeeked.

He didn't mean to be rude but he laughed in disbelief. "Sara, how can I be breaking up with you?!"

"I mean are you telling me you don't want us to date at all?" She clarified.

"No." He took her hand and sat back down, drawing her down to sit with him. "I'm not that big of a jerk. We never talked about anything but casual dating so I'm not going to spring a question like this on you and then say see ya. But, like I said, I am getting to the place where I'm thinking I'd like to explore us being exclusive. If you're not ready then okay, we'll just keep it casual and talk again later. I especially don't want to talk about moving our status along if there's a guy you've got a thing for, so I'd appreciate it if you'd figure that out and let me know. Fair enough?"

Sara tipped forward and rested her head against his chest. "Okay." Gosh, she just wanted to sleep for a week right now.

 **~~LTD~~**

Wanting to sleep and actually being able to sleep were two distinctly different things. So many things buzzing around in her head; too many she did not want to deal with. One giant something she'd promised herself was dealt with; Grissom. Oh who was she kidding! Every single something in her head right now led back to Grissom...he was her Rome! Vascillating from tears to anger, she finally threw the covers off and put on her running clothes.

The air was crisp and somehow, in the middle of Vegas, it managed to even feel clear tonight as she raced the stars and her own troubled thoughts through the streets of her neighborhood, until she was no longer in her neighborhood at all. She recognized this park, although she hadn't often been here. Chest heaving, but her mind finally somewhere nearer to calm, Sara lowered herself to a bench and closed her eyes. The same thoughts came to her but, mercifully, they were at a more sedate pace. One in particular stood out above the rest; She was still in love with Gil Grissom. She didn't want to be. She knew it wasn't healthy or productive. They hurt each other trying to handle 'this'. Since they'd put a stop to this push/pull relationship, they'd become wonderful friends. Sara actually trusted that she could count on him on a level that she'd never counted on him before. He was more relaxed and shared himself with her; all because she'd stopped trying to make him love her the way she loved him. She had to let go of this or she would lose him...their friendship and sometimes...she was afraid she'd lose herself.

But Landon was right. They may not have had the 'thing' everyone had speculated that they'd had, but there was never a time when they'd not had something. Even if he could never be what she wanted him to be, it wasn't fair to Landon or any other guy for her to settle. Maybe someday she'd meet a man who swept her off her feet in ways she'd never dreamed possible, make her realize that what she'd felt for Grissom had only been the surface of what could be, but right now that wasn't happening and as wonderful a guy as Landon was...he wasn't 'that' guy. A sad, sarcastic laugh bubbled out of her in the wee morning light as it occured to her...It had felt like she'd fallen for Grissom instantly, it was taking a lot longer to fall out of love with him.

Finally, blessed tiredness began to wash over her and she wished she hadn't run so far. With a deep sigh, Sara pushed to her feet. She was taking in a long breath to start her run home when a twig snapped somewhere off to her left. The adrenaline rushed through her veins and she crouched lower, scanning the area on high alert, listening and waiting as she reached for the mini can of pepper spray she kept clipped to her lanyard. No other sound came and she couldn't make out any movement. Deciding it must have been a squirrel or something, she gave one more cursory look and then set off for home at a respectable pace, glancing behind her every now and then until she reached the safety of her building. She never saw anyone.

A hot shower and three pages of her current novel pick later, Sara was sound asleep.

 **~~LTD~~**

Catherine sipped her coffee as she made her way down the hall, her heels clacking a beat on the polished floor. She checked in with the shift nurse, dismayed that there had been no change, but it was only the start of the third day and the nurse assured her that this wasn't cause for alarm. Still, she didn't like it...she was worried and scared and uncertain; a combination that she hated. Still, what was she to do but wait and hope. By the time her thoughts had rolled there, she was at his hospital room door.

Even though she knew it wasn't going to happen, Catherine paused in the threshold, half expecting Grissom's head to turn and his eyes to open. He'd frown at her and tell her that he appreciated it but that he wasn't in need of a nursemaid and that he really needed her running things until he could get back. Alas, it didn't happen, so she took a seat in the chair closest to him and watched him instead.

"You would hate me doing this." She snickered. "That may be the only positive in this situation..other than the fact that you didn't die." She whispered the last, wiping a tear as it slipped free. "Do you know how scared I was, Gil?" She fell silent, years of memories flashing through her mind. "You're the Batman to my Robin." She scooted forward and laid her hand on his forearm. "I love the guys, you know that, and I do trust them...with my life, but you...you're my guy, Gil. Not like that." She laughed, shivering at the thought. "That's just, ew...like kissing your brother ew, but I trust you more than any man I've ever had in my life. You've disappointed me, sure. And I know I've disappointed you, but you've never let me down and you've never walked away. You're my rock, bug man." She closed her eyes tight as she felt the tears welling again. "You rest for awhile more, okay, because I know you need that, but then you get your butt back here with us because we need you, Gil...I need my best friend, okay?"

His hand twitched and her eyes shot to his face. His eyes were still closed, but there was movement under the lids. "Gil? Gil, can you hear me?"

He mumbled something but she couldn't make out what it was. She jumped up and pushed the call button several times, her eyes staying locked on him.

 **~~LTD~~**

 _"Mallory, sweetie, hold still for daddy?" He asked again, his daughter fidgeting as she tried to make her doll walk around, hence the reason for her pulling away again. Gil pulled her back onto his lap and began running the brush through her hair again. Her wavy brown curls fell past her shoulders now and they had taken to brushing it out and braiding it before bed to make dealing with it in the morning easier. However, sitting still was not his little girl's strong suit and she was getting sleepy so her tolerance level was beginning to run low. Thankfully, the brushing was almost done so with any luck, Sara should be just about done with Jaime's bath and they'd switch out. Sara was much faster with the braiding than he was and he was positive it would be appreciated by the little girl scooching forward in his lap again. Patiently, he pulled her back. Mallory stiffened her body irritably and protested. "Nooo, daddy time to plaaay." She whined. "Let daddy finish brushing, baby, and then mommy can braid and you can play until it's bedtime, okay?"_

 _"Noooo, daddy, m'not tired." She whined again._

 _She yawned and Gil chuckled. "Not tired, huh?" Gil kissed her head._

 _"Hey babe."_

 _Gil looked up from the floor where they were to find Sara holding Jaime, freshly bathed and in his jammies._

 _"Honey, would you mind braiding. Someone is not tired but getting c-r-a-n-k-y. I think the faster, the better tonight."_

 _Sara smiled. "Okay. You get this one to sleep and I'll finish up here."_

 _Gil stood up, stretching his back and knees before he took Jaime from her._

 _"Mal, can you jump up on the couch for mommy, please." Six months pregnant, Sara had reached her capacity for being on the floor for the day._

 **~~LTD~~**

He held the other eyelid up and flicked the light back and forth, getting the same result as the other eyes. "He's still out. No reaction to the stimuli. He's definitely dreaming, but he's obviously not ready to join us yet."

Catherine sighed. "But is it a good sign?"

The docter put the penlight back in his pocket and jotted a few notes on Grissom's chart. "Absolutely. His outward signs of dreaming means that his consciousness is getting closer to the surface. And as I've said, we have no reason to believe that he won't come out of this coma on his own. His brain function is as close to perfect as it can be given the trauma and coma. We won't have more definitive answers until he's awake, but really, Ms. Willows, this is the best we can hope for with his current physical condition."

She nodded, but she looked exhausted.

The docter reached out and took her hand, giving it a comforting squeeze. "All that doesn't make the waiting any easier though, does it?"

"No, not really." She tried to smile. "But considering the alternative, we'll take it and be grateful, I guess."

"Tmfr bid Mizgrishm"

Catherine's head snapped around to look at Grissom. "Did he say something?!" She asked excitedly.

"He said something, but I couldn't make it out, could you?" He was back at his patient's side. "Dr. Grissom, can you hear me?"

"Gil, it's Cath. Open your eyes if you can hear us."

 **~~LTD~~**

 _Leaning up against the doorframe to their daughter's room, Gil watched Sara watching Mallory. She reached out and lovingly brushed the stray hairs that had escaped the braids from her forehead._

 _"She looks just like you when she sleeps." He said quietly. A soft smile grew on Sara's face as she straightened from her bent position, smiling more when she felt his arms slide under hers, his hands coming to rest on her baby bump._

 _Sometimes when I watch them like this, I wish we could keep them little forever."_

 _He pressed a kiss to his wife's head, understanding how she felt. These moments were more precious than words could convery and he'd found himself wishing the same thing more than once, but then, "Think of how amazing it's going to be to watch them learn and become their own people."_

 _"I know. I just feel like they're growing so fast and before long they'll be too big for cuddles and story time." She sniffed, pregnancy hormones starting to work their magic. She closed her eyes as she felt Gil chuckle softly against her neck, laying kisses and hugging her close._

 _"I think it will be awhile before that happens, honey. Are you feeling extra squishy tonight, my love?" He asked, using their code word for when Sara was feeling her pregnancy hormones a little more accutely. She nodded and sniffled again. "Okay." He pulled back and slipped his hand around hers, guiding her toward the door. "Time for bed, Mrs. Grissom."_

 **~~LTD~~**

He was pouring a cup of freshly brewed coffee when an unexpected knock drew his attention to the front door. The movement caused some of the hot brew to slosh onto his hand. Landon hissed and quickly put the cup down; his hand coming to his mouth to sooth the sting. There wasn't much time to nurse it however, when a second knock reminded him why he had the burn in the first place. "Be right there." He called. He waved the still stinging hand a little as he went to answer the door. Like always, he checked the peephole before unlocking it and was surprised to see Sara on the other side.

"Hey." He said once the door was open.

"Hi. Can we talk?" She asked quietly.

He sighed heavily, but with a tender smile. From the look in his eyes, Sara could see that he wasn't angry and he also didn't seem surprised. "Come on in." He told her, stepping aside. "Coffee?" He asked once he'd closed the door behind them. "Just made it and it's hot." He could confidently attest to the latter.

"No, thanks. I'm good."

He led the way to the couch and once they were settled, he gave her a smile. "Sara, relax. You look like you're going to the gallows. It's not that bad, I promise."

"You already know, don't you."

"I think I do. I thought a lot about us last night...prayed a lot about us last night." He held his hand up, expecting her to protest. "I know how you feel about God and religion, Sara, but I have faith and-"

"Landon, I'm fine." She interrupted him.

He looked at her with skepticism. They usually avoided any talks involving his faith given their difference in belief.

She smiled, understanding his confusion. "I can hardly get upset with you for praying about us when I...I did it the other day." She admitted.

"You prayed about us?" He was more than a little shocked.

As soon as it was out, she realized the corner she had painted herself into. She hadn't even gotten to what she felt was going to be the hard part of this conversation, despite the knowledge that he already seemed to know, and now she had to explain that after proclaiming to have no belief in God, she'd prayed to him to help a man she was professing not to be in love with. "Not about us." She told him, letting her thoughts try to order themselves in her brain, but again, before that happened, Landon smiled.

"Grissom."

"I..." She wasn't even sure where to begin. She felt so ashamed, like she'd used and misled him, but she knew she hadn't done so on purpose. Yet, that didn't lessen her guilt. "I'm so sorry." They were the only words that seemed to form. And before she knew it, to her full and utter embarrassment, Sara began to cry.

Landon immediately came to her side, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her into an embrace. "Sara...Sara, it's okay." He soothed.

"I didn't lie to you, I swear. There's no...nothing between us." She began to sob harder as the truth of that last statement sunk into her heart even more. Waves of shame rolled through her. She was in love with a man who refused to love her back. She was ending a relationship with a wonderful man because she couldn't stop loving a man she had _nothing_ with...well, other than friendship. She didn't really see how she could feel any more pathetic right now. What sane, confident, healthy woman ends a relationship with a man who has treated her right, has good values and just professed less than 24 hours ago to wanting to explore a more serious relationship, for a man who has never been able to commit to anything more than flirtation and held onto an unwillingness to commit?!

Without even realizing she'd said anything out loud, she was startled when Landon abruptly pulled away from her and firmly said, "You're not stupid, Sara. I don't pretend to know what's going on exactly, but from what I can see right now and what I know about you, you're a wonderfully warm and caring woman. Smart, funny and honest or you wouldn't be here. And...you must really be in love with him if this is tearing you apart like this."

"That's what makes me so stupid." She gulped, trying to stem the tears that wouldn't quit. "He doesn't love me, so why do I keep doing this to myself?"

Landon huffed a laugh and shook his head. "Honey, that makes him stupid...or at the very least, thickheaded, not you." He folded her back into his arms and let her cry.

It took a good ten minutes, but eventually her tears stopped and a tissue or two later and Sara was doing a little better...except for the fact that all she kept saying was that she was sorry. He wasn't sure if she was apologizing for the crying or for whatever it was she felt she'd done to wrong him. He had a pretty good idea he knew what she felt she'd done to him but he was going to let her tell him when she was ready. It certainly wouldn't do either of them any good if he assumed and ended up being wrong.

Finally, "I never meant to use you or hurt you." She nearly whispered. "I just...thought..." Sara looked up with red, swollen eyes. "I thought that it was time for me to face the truth and try to move on with my life. I guess, moving on is a lot harder than I thought it would be."

"What's the truth, Sara?" He asked, gently brushing her cheek with the back of his fingers. His eyes held nothing but kindness and caring.

Tears sprang up in her eyes again, rolling down her cheeks as the words spilled out. "I'm in love with Grissom. I have been since the beginning, but he doesn't love me...or if he does, he doesn't think I'm worth it, but the point is that whether I love him or not doesn't matter...I'm never going to have him. I thought if I loved him enough, if I wanted him enough and he knew that then eventually he'd maybe...draw strength from that and be with me...but all it did was cause us to fight about it and instead of becoming closer, it was tearing our friendship apart. So, I told myself to let it go...we apologized and worked on just being friends...and then you asked me out. I tried not to love him anymore," she whispered, tears cascading once more down her streaked face.

Landon drew her into his embrace. "I'm so sorry you're hurting, Sara. What can I do?"

"Don't hate me?"

"Not a chance." He reassured her tenderly. "I care about you, Sara and I know you never set out to deceive or hurt me. So," he sighed, "I guess we'll just have to be friends."

Sara pulled back, looking at him with hopeful eyes. "You still want to be friends?"

He laughed lightly. "Well, yeah. Like I said, Sara, I care about you. And you're good people. Good people are hard to find. You make me laugh and I like spending time with you. All excellent characteristics in a friend. Now," he teased, "You're going to have to try to restrain yourself from kissing me no matter how irresistable I may be because that will just complicate our friendship, but-"

Laughing at last, she shoved his shoulder. "The last thing I need is another 'complicated' friendship."

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5

The Doublemint commercial borrow is not mine...othewise I would be writing this story on a much fancier computer in a much fancier house. Also the cereals do not belong to me. Thank you to those reading and those taking the time to leave a review; the support and encouragement is very sincerely appreciated and motivates me to keep writing.

 **~~Living The Dream~~**

"Any word on Grissom since earlier?"

Nick voiced the question on everyone's mind as they were gathered around the break room table awaiting assignments. Catherine shook her head, trying to drum up a believable smile for the team. At this moment, she was their leader and it was her responsibility to try and keep their morale up...not to mention that she was kind of the team mom and as far as she was concerned, the kids needed her to be strong right now.

"Not since I called you all this morning. I checked in about an hour ago and the nurse on duty told me there's been a little more movement but none of them have heard him mumble or anything since then, so" She shrugged. "You know Grissom. He doesn't rush anything. But we got some good news, so lets stay focused on that for the time being and catch some bad guys tonight." She made brief eye contact with all of them, and seeing the understanding in their eyes, she pushed on. "Nicky, smash and grab at the Golden Stakes Gems." She handed him the slip. "Warrick and Greg, trick roll at The Tropicana."

"Two of us for a trick roll?" Greg questioned.

"Double the pleasure on this one, Greggo." Catherine smirked, putting the slip in Warrick's outstretched hand.

"Double our fun." Warrick deadpanned, looking at the slip and seeing that there were three vics. "Team sports are all the rage."

And finally there was just Sara. Catherine seemed to hesitate, looking the young woman over.

"You out of candy already, Cath?" Sara felt uneasy under Catherine's concerned gaze.

"We've got an assault over on East Decater, with a side of robbery."

Sara scowled. An assault and robbery? That didn't warrant two CSI's. "Multiple vics?" She asked.

"Nope. Twenty-four year old female."

"Then what's up with the double coverage, Cath?"

"Well, for one, I don't like either of us going solo with this stalker running around out there." Sara rolled her eyes and Catherine refrained from reaming her out about her nonchalant dismissal. "He's about this close, "she indicated a fraction between her fingers, "to being a serial stalker and that's about this close, " the small gap lessened, "to escalating into something physical and we both know it. So, on my watch, you and I will be paired in the field either with each other or one of the guys until this guy's caught and there is no room for discussion on this one, Sara, so save it. And second," she allowed the brave front to slip. Sara could see the tiredness and concern in her eyes. "I really don't feel like being stuck back here tonight."

Sara understood completely. Distractions were their friend at the moment and while she may have thought Catherine was being a little over the top about this stalker, she wouldn't have wanted to stay in the lab with all that time to think about Grissom either. "I'll get my kit and meet you at the car."

~~LTD~~

 _Even as many times as he'd seen ultrasounds, it still left him feeling positively mesmerized. The tears welled in his eyes, he'd long since stopped trying to hide them, and he looked over every detail and feature it provided of their son. Another son...Sara was giving them another son. Fresh tears made their way down his cheeks. "He has your nose, honey." Gil whispered. He felt Sara's hand laid on his hip, and he looked down at her looking up at him._

 _"I love you, Gil." She told him simply, knowing just by the look in his eyes all that he was feeling._

 _Mindless to the docter's presence, Gil bent down and kissed his wife soundly. Pulling back only a bit, he smiled and whispered against her lips, "You make such beautiful babies."_

 _"We." She whispered back. "We make beautiful babies."_

Nurse Hemmer quietly replaced her patients chart and walked up to the head of his bed, noticing the tears slowly making their way from the corners of his eyes. She snatched a tissue from the nearby box, frowning at his current situation and wondering what it was that had him in tears. Gently, wiping the wetness from his face, she noticed the soft smile that seemed to tug at his lips. "Honey, you are a contrast of emotions, aren't ya." She watched him fro a few minutes more, but noted no change. The tears stopped and he remained settled. So, she made some further notations and left the room to see to her other duties.

~~LTD~~

They piled into the booth at Frank's. To look at them, one would have thought that the shift had been a long, difficult one, and it had been in its own way.

"Anybody going over after this?" Nick asked.

"I need to try to get home to get Linds to school. With everything that's been happening, I haven't done that in a few days."

Heads bobbed in understanding and agreement.

"Nicky and I thought we'd head over around dinner time. Maybe take some of those enchiladas from Skip's that he likes so much, maybe coax him awake with those." Warrick grinned at his friends. Skip's was a little taco truck he and Grissom had discovered while working a case a few years ago. Grissom and it's owner had become friendly, especially after Grissom had tried his meat and cheese enchiladas.

"I'll come with." Greg piped up.

Jim cleared his throat and looked at Sara. "How about it, kiddo? You and me take the morning run?"

Sara smiled. "Sure. Sounds good."

They kept conversation going through a quick breakfast. Every once in awhile, one of them would glance at the empty spot where Grissom would be on the occassions when he joined them. Each of them noticed, but no one said a word. His absence was felt in so many aspects of their day, but no one felt brave enough yet, to voice the 'what ifs' ramming around in the dark recesses of their minds. Not yet.

Sara stood in front of Jim in the line they'd formed at the counter to pay. "I'm going to run home quick and jump in the shower. Meet you at the hospital in an hour?"

"No sense in both of us driving." He replied. "I'll pick you up."

"Okay. It's a date." She smiled at him, trying to pretend that they were going to do something fun instead of going to visit Grissom in the hospital. Her phone rang and she pulled it from her pocket. "Sidle."

"Hey, Sara. I wanted to call and see how Grissom was. Have you guys heard anything new?"

"Hey." Sara smiled, gesturing to Jim she silently asked him if he would pay her tab for her while she went for some privacy. He nodded and she handed him her bill and money to cover it before she mouthed, "I'll see you in an hour." Again, he nodded and Sara made her way out of Frank's and to her car. "Sorry." She spoke into the phone. "We went out for breakfast."

"I'm sorry." Landon apologized. "I can let you go."

"No, it's fine. We were done. I'm in my car now."

"They don't know yet, do they?"

She frowned and sighed. "No. I just...really don't think I ave the energy to answer all the questions right now and that's just thinking of Catherine's."

He groaned and she chuckled. "I know it's normal for your friends to ask questions but sometimes being friends with investigators is daunting."

"You think they know about...you know?"

"Yeah." She sighed again. "They've all said something at one point or another."

"And you'd rather them not put two and two together right now." He said, doing the math himself.

"Not especially, but if you'd rather I get it out there now, I will. I owe you that much."

"Sara, you don't owe me anything. And it's not like we're lieing to them. We're just not volunteering the change we've made and that's okay. It doesn't bother me."

"Are you sure?" She asked. His opinion really mattered to her and even though he'd told her up and down that he wasn't mad at her with how things happened, she still felt some guilt about it.

"Tell you what. The only way this will bother me is if someone asks directly if we're still dating and you lied to them outright. So, how about if we promise each other that if that happenes we'll tell people that after discussion, we agreed to remain friends. That's the truth. Any other details is really no one's business but ours and I'm not going to share that with anyone, Sara."

"Okay. That sounds like the best plan. Landon, thank you...for being such a good friend and a great guy."

"Well, at some point when this all cracks open you can repay me by telling all your attractive female friends that. Deal?"

She could hear the smile in his voice and laughed. "You realize that's Catherine, right?"

"We have got to get you better socialized, Sidle." he teased. "So, how's Grissom?"

Sara filled him in on the latest news, chatted a minute more and then hung up with a promise to talk to him later. She pulled out of her parking spot and took a left toward home. A few cars behind, a green Taurus followed.

~~LTD~~

His color was much better, Jim noted. If it weren't for the IV, the bandage on his head and the cast and sling he could almost think Gil was just sleeping. Man, did he wish Gil was just sleeping. He scooted a chair up close to the bedside and pulled the other vacant chair next to his for Sara. He saw her sit down out of the corner of his eye. She had gotten really quiet on the ride up. This was really hard on her, he had no doubt.

"Well," Jim breathed, "I understand you need your rest and everything, Gil, but this is starting to be a bit excessive. Nobody's saying you have to jump out of bed and go running back to work, but you could open your eyes at least." He gave Sara a sideways glance before adding, "I'm no beauty but this lady is a sight to behold...and I know she'd really appreciate it if you'd finally open your eyes and see her." He finished quietly, the words catching Sara deep down. It was knowing and took her breath away.

The room was so quiet, save for te sound of Grissom's breathing. The air seemed to be heavy and getting heavier by the second as awkward time marched on. Shifting the mood in one sentence, "Sara, we need to liven this room up with some stimulating conversation. You know how he loves stimulating conversation."

"Um...su-sure. Of course." She stuttered, nearly getting whiplash with Jim's eradic topics.

"What's your favorite cereal?"

"My...ah, hot or cold?" This may well have been the oddest conversation she'd ever had with Jim.

"Both. Might as well go for broke."

"Hot would have to be apple and cinnemon cream of wheat. Cold...you can't laugh." She told him seriously.

Jim crossed his heart.

"Cocoa Pebbles."

"The cartoon cereal?"

She sat just a little taller in her chair and stared right into his eyes as if daring him to laugh. "Yes."

"Huh." He huffed, looking contemplative.

"What?"

Jim looked over to Grissom's still form and said, "See now, I never would have guessed that, would you, Gil? I would have figured her for a grape nuts kind of girl."

"Grape nuts taste like cardboard." She stated.

"But they're nutritious."

"And tasteless. I chose not to eat meat anymore, Jim. I didn't have my tastebuds singed off." She rolled her eyes and turned it back to him, smiling at him. "Favorite hot and cold cereal?"

"Don't like hot cereals so there is no favorite. Cold is easy; Raisin Bran Crunch. It used to be Raisin Bran but when they came out with the crunch...I was hooked. And it's a good source of fiber." He gave her a goofy grin.

"I like Raisin Bran. I wonder what his favorite is?" She looked at Grissom, wishing he'd open his eyes and tell them.

"I've only ever seen him eat cold cereal a couple times but they were always different kinds. Let's see, one time it was Apple Jacks."

"Mmm, those are good too." Sara added.

"Another time it was Frosted Flakes. Oh, a couple times he was eating Honey Nut Cheerios with bananas." He winked at Sara.

"Ooo, bananas...you're a wild man, Griss." Sara teased, beginning to loosen up. "Favorite snack food?" She threw at Jim.

~~LTD~~

 _Grissom looked up from slicing another cucumber. He could have sworn he heard voices. Not that he'd been able to make out the words, but voices...familiar, like Sara and Jim having a conversation down the hall. But he could see Sara on the patio, talking to Catherine and Lindsey. He shook his head and shrugged it off. Maybe they'd left a window open in another room and voices had carried._

 _Before long, he'd rejoined the lovely little summer party they were hosting. Mallory was running around the yard, overjoyed as Nick and Greg chased her; prolonging the game by pretending to trip and fall over or run into each other every time they got close to catching her. Jaime was being entertained by his namesake. Grissom looked toward the grill as Warrick flipped fish and red meat. They'd all been surprised several years ago to find out that Warrick was an outstanding griller. Sara, his beautiful Sara, sat with her bare feet up, condensation trickled in little rivers down the glass of lemonade in her hand while her other hand absentmindedly rubbed circles over her very swollen belly as she talked and laughed with Lindsey. The sight caused a myriad of emotions to well like the surging tide inside him; unfathomable love with a depth he kept discovering had no end, peace he'd never realized he could find on earth; a gratefullness he bowed his head for each and every day, and desire so consuming that it actually crossed his mind to tell Sara he needed her help in the house. Heaven help him, but he defied another man to be happier than he was with his life._

 _"You're pretty stinkin' cute.", reached his ears from just behind his left shoulder._

 _"Excuse me?" He laughed, half stunned by Catherine's off the cuff comment, though he shouldn't be after all these years._

 _"When you're appreciating everything you have...the look on your face and in your eyes," She gave him a soft, knowing smile, "it's pretty stinkin' cute." She held his gaze for a few more moments before she wove her arm through his and gave it a hug, drawing near to him she told him quietly, "I'm so proud of you, Gil and I don't mean that to be weird, but I am. There was a time I worried that you'd never realize that life thrives outside work...that your greatest loves would never be found in a case or under a microscope and now look at you." Her voice held nothing but reverance, happiness and awe. "You're teaching us what it means to be happy...really happy."_

 _He pulled his arm from hers only to wrap it tightly around her shoulders and pull her to his side. "Thanks for believing in me...in us, Cath."_

 _"When's the last time you two had a date night?"_

 _He laughed. The woman was a bouncy ball. "I...don't know." He threw his arm out toward his daughter and son, "We've been a little busy lately. Maybe...huh," He had to think about this harder than he thought he would. Sure they stole time together wherever they could, but he couldn't remember off the top of his head the last time they'd actually had a real date night. "Has to have been a few months now, I guess."_

 _Catherine frowned. "A few months? Before or after you found out Sara was pregnant?"_

 _"After." He defended quickly. "We went out to celebrate."_

 _"Her pregnancy?!" She shot him a look of disappointment. "Gil, that had to be, what, ... six months ago?!"_

 _"Like I said...we've been busy." He replied, a sheepish expression plastered on his face._

 _"Okay, that settles it then. I'm taking the kids on your night off and you and your wife are having a date night before that little guy gets here and you're both even busier."_

 _Much to her surprise, he offered no arguement. "Thank you, Catherine."_

 _"No arguement?"_

 _"Oh." He laughed, kissing her temple and starting to walk away. "The argument will come from the other Grissom."_

~~LTD~~

Their visit drawing to an end, Jim wrapped his fingers lightly around his forearm. "You get some rest, buddy, and I'll be back tomorrow. Think about opening those eyes soon, okay?" Jim winked at Sara and nodded toward the door. "I'm going to go have a chat with his duty nurse. Come find me when you're ready."

Sara nodded and kissed Jim's cheek, watching him until he turned the corner out of the room. She turned back and edged closer to him. "At some point you're going to have to wake up and answer all those questions. Now that I have them swimming around in my head, open ended like that, you know I'll never be able to rest until I have them answered. It's the investigator in me...the scientist too." Her eyes filled with tears. "I miss you, Grissom. I miss your voice. I miss feeling your presence in my day. You're here, I know, but... it's just not the same." She reached out and cupped his bearded cheek, just for a moment. Then she bent quickly, lightly kissing the place her palm had just been and whispered a shaking, "Come back to us."

As she turned, her eye caught sight of that Bible and she closed her eyes and whispered a heartfelt, "Please bring him back to us." And then she swiftly made her way out of the room.

Had she waited a moment longer, she might have seen the fingers move against the blanket or the barely audible, "Sara" that followed.

TBC...


End file.
